Maybe if I get some Google ads up on here, I'll be making like two cents every click YOU make. How awesome would it be to sap money out of an unsuspecting Google while you get the pleasure of basking in my rantiness. I forgot all of the awesome things I had written, so here are some dating tips. Especially for Daniel while he's in Phoenix. Be careful Dan, I've heard those Phoenix girls can suck your soul out through your eyes.
Dating Tips For Dummies
- Take it slow. Don't pull a Jacob on us. You've got to take it nice and easy, so you don't scare them away. Girls are kinda like tootsie pops. You've got to take it slow and enjoy the outside of the sucker for a while. When the time is right, however, you can take a bite and get to the tootsie roll center. Wait. That was a bad example.
- Don't be a nerd around them. Don't talk about Starcraft, World of Warcraft, Chess, Star Wars, Halo, Pokemon, Your new Xbox 360, or your blog. It's just common sense guys! You have to be like a fish hook. You look really appealing and nice to take a nibble of from the distance, and once they DO take a bite, it's way too late for them.
- Wear extra deodorant. In the heat of the moment, when you get ready to put your arm around her, you don't want her to say "OH! what is that? It smells like tapioca pudding left in the bottom of the fridge for too long". Let's just face it. We all sweat. Most of us sweat more when we're fantasizing about buying a nice white house with a picket fence, then moving in with the girl sitting next to you.
- You go ninety, she goes ten. Let's just face it. It was meant to be a joke, but it's the most effective system anyone has come up with. If you're gonna make it to first base, you've got to make it not awkward. Asking the girl if you can kiss her is a no-no. TELLING the girl that you're going to kiss her is a no-no. Wait for her that awkward moment of silence after you both say goodnight, then go ninety. In the words of the nike marketing gurus, "Just do it!"
1 comment:
I was impressed by your dating tips. I didn't expect them to be actually good. But…to be completely honest, they were good, but not excellent. Here is how a master does it:
1. Ask girls on dates! Girls are just like you and a giant grizzly bear, they are really afraid of you the same as you are afraid of them...only they can pick you up and rip you into a million pieces...hhmmm.
2. There will be a million reasons not to ask a girl on a date, but only one reason to ask her: fun! Never forget that the main objective while dating is having fun. If a girl has fun, she won't care if you spent the previous three nights playing super smash until midnight.
3. Always go on a group date. This way, things won't get too serious, if you don't want them to get too serious. Also, you could end up with one of those awesome kids that everyone makes fun of on a date. I would now like to take a short break out of this list to give a standing, yes standing, ovation for those brave souls who are out saving dates from boredom and awkward moments. Thank You! Anyways, these types of people are amazing to have on dates.
4. This one is not necessarily about dating, but can be applied. This is kind of a family secret, so those who are reading this don't let me give you this gift in vain. This secret I have spoken of is always using a football game as a comparison to life, relationships and dating. For instance, when on a date if you clean your car, you pick up a few yards. If you get flowers, you'll pick up a few more yards. If you take her somewhere nice to eat, then you'll be well on your way to scoring a big TD. Now, don’t automatically assume that a TD is kissing the girl, or anything like that. TD’s can be many different things depending on who you are and who you took on the date. For example, if getting to know the girl more was your goal, then that would be your TD. Then there is the scoreboard. The way you can tell if you are winning is she likes you more than you like her. So, that was just one way to apply that analogy, but now the gift has been given to you, you must find new ways to apply it.
…wow this is long, maybe I should just write my own blog.
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